Last night I was alone. I was alone (which is really not too unusual), and at one very distinct point I found myself somewhere on that uncomfortable teeter-totter line between laughing and crying. It was uncomfortable because I really don’t like to cry, no matter how good it makes me feel. And creepy because laughing when you’re alone is just weird. Ask the Joker.
I had a really great fire, a couple of cozy warm dogs, a glass of cabernet… it really was the epitome of relaxation.
But I thought I wanted to cry because I honestly was feeling a little sorry for myself – despite the awesome words of encouragement you gave me both in the comments on my last post via other venues. But then I went and looked at the stats of this site, and I almost had to laugh. You see, yesterday I had over three times more hits than most any other day I’ve posted in the last few weeks. I can only guess that people saw the first few sentences of my post on the link I posted to Facebook – the sentences that stated what a colossal, epic failure I’ve been as of late – and they just had to come see what that was all about.
And that, my friends, is why I love you.
After all, isn’t that how we ultimately make ourselves better people? By learning from our own mistakes and those of others?
So really. It was funny. In such a good and relieving way. Like, okay… so maybe I’m screwing up right now. Maybe I just stepped on a big fat bag of poo to put out the fire and you’re all standing around watching me try to scrape the poo off my shoe, but it’s okay because I know now that none of you will make the same mistake. Should you ever find yourself in the same situation, you’ll dump water on the bag. Or beat the fire out with an old towel. But you will not, under any circumstances, stamp that fire out with your shoe. And if you do, at least I will be able to say, when your shoe too is covered in poo, that I told you so.
To top it all off, “Sexx Laws” by Beck came on the satellite station. Tell me – how can anyone be in a bad mood when listening to that song? Hadn’t heard it in ages. Totally made my night.
Then later this one came on. And I seriously made me feel like luck was on my side, you know? The Lithium gods really knew what I wanted to hear.
And of course, that made me think of this, which is even better:
And wow, maybe I really am old.
So thanks to you, and thanks to Beck, and thanks to the Refreshments, I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay. And I’m thinking this whole “honesty on the blog” thing might not be a bad way to go. I mean… it kind of sucks to put all your weaknesses and failures out there for the world to see, but it kind of sucks in a good way.
Like shock therapy by way of intense humiliation.
Especially when it comes to my horrible taste in music.
And that can’t be all bad, right?