It has recently occurred to me that I’m not really a “roll with the punches” sort of person.

Nope.

Nor am I a take-that-full-blown-fist-to-the-face-then-just-shake-it-off type of person.

Both are admirable qualities, each of which — whether it be laid-back option A or stubborn as hell option B — I’ve been known to show from time-to-time, but rarely with any consistency.

So what type of person am I?

Turns out I pretty much like to avoid punches all together.

Yep.  You read that correctly.

It’s ironic, because until this moment of clarity, I (and probably everyone else who’s close to me) have viewed myself as pretty damn confrontational.  I mean, if you over charge me for fixing my vehicle or call my cell phone to solicit money, I will voice my displeasure.  If you ask me to analyze your relationship or evaluate whether those pants are too tight or tell you whether you acted like an ass last night because you had far too much to drink, I will most likely tell you the truth.

My friends know this.

I’m the girl they go to when they simply just need to hear the truth.  (Or at least the truth as I see it.)

I will even confront my own issues, whether it’s mentally, through friends, or via this blog, but I realized something today:  When it comes to actually acting on said issues — when I have to make a decision and choose a move — I’m all about the tuck-and-roll.

I avoid that punch like a Connecticut prep school boy avoids hippy chicks from NoCal — it might be dangerously exciting to dabble on occasion, but any type of serious commitment is pretty much out of the question.

Otherwise I won’t get my trust fund.

Except I don’t have a trust fund.

Which is kind of another bummer in itself.

Where was I?

Oh, yes.  What I realized today, especially after my whiny little self-pity session from yesterday, is that it’s easy for me to analyze and discuss and churn possibilities and outcomes through my head, but the sad little truth is that nothing will actually start happening unless I commit to a move.

Which I pretty much never do.

At least not long-term.

So while I can declare that I’m about to make a change, like I have many times on this blog, I’m quickly learning that saying and doing are two completely different things.

One thing I’ve learned from my husband’s unhealthy affinity for all things Star Wars, is that the Yoda character — if you can mentally move beyond the strange way he mixes up sentence structure — is a wise, wise man.

Elf?

Midget with weird raptor feet?

Whatever he is, he dispenses this little face-slap of eloquent truth:

“Do or do not.  There is no try.”

It’s hard to argue with that.

The problem is I have all kinds of excuses:  Trip to Costa Rica, finishing house projects, trip to Spain, planning a baby shower party, making a gift for our Spain hosts, writing the blog, figuring out what to make for dinner, doing favors for friends, getting the house ready for a visitor who will be arriving in approximately 5 hours whose imminent arrival I learned about 6 hours ago, etc.

And there will always be excuses.  The trick is going to be learning the self-discipline it takes to move beyond them.

My friend (and family member) Anna gave me some fantastic advice in the comments yesterday (among other peoples’ fantastic comments) that she learned from a writer’s workshop:

1. Get out of your own way.

2. Begin Anywhere (John Cage)

So these things I intend to do.

Pitches, here I come!

(As soon as I finish making dinner tonight and finish my resume for a “filler” job and clean the sheets in the guest bedroom and make the decorations for the baby party and vacuum and clean the guest bathroom and finish 2 handmade gifts for 2 different people and give myself a pedicure.)