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Crunchy Like Granola.

I make my own granola.

Sounds quaint, I know.  Like knitting my own socks or preserving my own peaches or churning my own butter.

But the thing is, I like granola.  It’s a fantastic breakfast, it’s healthy-ish, and it’s crazy easy to make.

I mean, basically you mix a bunch of stuff together, then mix a bunch of other stuff together, then mix the two mixtures together, then bake.

Heck.  You don’t even have to bake it if you don’t really want to.

To make it, you will need pretty much anything you want.  You can use the recipe below as a guide, but don’t be afraid to get a little crazy.  Like agave nectar instead of honey?  Use it.  Prefer vegetable oil to coconut oil?  Be my guest.  Crazy about oat bran?  Substitute for some of the ground flax and toss it on in.  If you want your granola to be more sticky and less crumbly, make more of the “wet” part (step 2) and cook a little less.

This can get a little pricy, depending on the ingredients you choose, but it makes a lot.  If you were to buy the same amount from the store, you’d not only be spending mucho deniro, but you’d be getting all kinds of not-so-awesome added sugars and preservatives and all of that crap that makes us feel slow and drudgy instead of awesome and powerful.

Here’s what I used in my last batch:

  • 4 cups oats
  • 3/4 cup wheat germ
  • 3/4 cup ground flax
  • 1/2 cup sunflower seeds
  • 1/2 cup chopped almonds
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans
  • 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
  • 3/4 tsp. salt
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup maple syrup
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil (vegetable oil works, too)
  • 1/2 Tablespoon cinnamon
  • 1/2 Tablespoon vanilla extract
Optional additions:
  • Raisins
  • Craisins
  • Chocolate chips
  • Butterscotch chips, etc.

1)  Mix the first 7 ingredients (oats, wheat germ, flax, sunflower seeds, and nuts) together in a very large mixing bowl.

2)  Mix the last 7 ingredients (salt, sugar, syrup, honey, oil, cinnamon, and vanilla) together in a sauce pan, heat over medium-high heat, and bring to a boil for 1 minute.

3)  Pour the wet stuff into the bowl with the dry stuff and stir to combine.

4)  Line a baking sheet with foil or parchment paper, then spread the mixture evenly and bake at 300-degrees F for 30-40 minutes, stirring halfway through.  It will keep cooking for a bit after you remove it, so don’t worry if it’s not completely crunchy before you take it out.  If you like it softer, bake it less.  There really are no rules — just don’t burn it.  That’s easy to do, so watch closely as you start to near the end of your cooking time.

Once you take it out, add your raisins or chocolate or whatever your little heart desires.  I prefer mine plain.

Let it cool on the sheet before storing it in an air-tight container.

5)  Serve however you’d like!  My favorite is over vanilla or plain yogurt with sliced strawberries.

Mmmm.  All I have left to do is put my hair in dreads and buy some hemp pants and I can officially call myself crunchy.

But really, with granola like this, that’s not a bad way to be.

Also, it will make you feel awesome and powerful.  I promise.

Really. What’s So Wrong With Eating Your Feelings? Because Mine Taste AWESOME.

What is happening with the world right now?

There are political figures trying to tell me what I can and can’t do with my body, there are people trying to sell me my own intellectual property, and there are princes getting naked all over Vegas but really, no one’s blaming Harry on that last one because who doesn’t want to get naked all over Vegas?

~*crickets*~

I think there’s just such an overload of fodder out there right now — and such a lack of focus on my part — that I tend to get overwhelmed and rather than talk to anyone ever, I instead opt to curl up on my sofa with a couple of mangy mutts, a glass of Zinfandel, and a streamed movie on Netflix that I didn’t realize was subtitled until 10 minutes in.

In other words, I have a lot of time to think.

There comes a time in most unpaid, extreme ADD blog writers’ “careers,” when the writer must evaluate the situation and make a choice.  MY situation is that I’ve been doing this for almost 2 1/2 years, and barely anyone reads Domestiphobia.

Like at all.

And I love those of you who do — you’re like the validation I never got in high school.  The prom date, the braces removal, and the boob development all in one, confidence-boosting package.  (I actually did end up getting those last two — just not until it was too late to be enjoyed in high school.)  It makes me feel like maybe I do have a niche.  Like maybe there are some people in this world who get me, and even if you don’t, you still like watching me through that thick zoo glass from the relative safety and comfort of your swivel office chair.

And that’s okay, too.

So that’s my situation.

Therefore my choices, as I see them, are to:

a) Keep doing what I’m doing

b) Stop

c) Pick a focus and work to improve

or

d) Eat a sandwich.

I’m pretty sure, if you know me at all, (and if you’ve been reading for any length of time, rest assured that you DO know me), then you know which one I choose.

Recipe

Eggs ‘n ‘Maters. Who Knew?

I bet you thought that I don’t cook anymore, just because Justin’s beachin’ it in Afghanistan.

What?  There aren’t any beaches in Afghanistan?

Then what the f*ck is he doing there?

ahem.

Anyway, if you thought I don’t cook anymore just because my man’s not around to eat it, you’d mostly be right.

Mostly.

See, back when he was gone for only weeks at a time versus months at a time, it was easy for me to wax on about Dinners for One and why it’s important to prepare decent meals for yourself like rustic pasta carbonara or  even just a simple microwaved artichoke antipasti platter.  (It sounds fancy because I used the word “antipasti,” but really it’s just a microwaved artichoke served with cheese and crackers and maybe olives, if you’re feeling extra indulgent.)

And I still believe this to be true.

Even so, I just don’t cook as often.  See, I still like to eat well.  But as many of you singletons have been telling me over the years, I’m learning that it’s hard to stay motivated when you come home to an empty house.  It’s hard to want to cook, when you’re the only one there to enjoy it.

But then, when I stop to think about it, I realize — one of my favorite foods is a hot dog.  A thick, juicy, grill-marked, real meat dog on a crisp toasted bun.

Or one of these Wellington Dogs wrapped in puff pastry from our trip to Biker Jim’s in Denver.

Read the rest of this gem…

Dinner for One: Rustic Pasta Carbonara. And Did I Tell You I Had A Baby?

Last night I dreamt that I had a baby.

But the baby — and the having of it — wasn’t actually the main focus of the dream.

The main focus of the dream was how I kept forgetting that I had a baby.

Like… I would go to the grocery store to buy milk and bacon, apparently, and suddenly I would remember that I left the baby at home.  And did my dream self freak out about the fact that I’d forgotten my helpless baby and left it to fend for itself at home in the bassinet or whatever they call those frilly rocking things where babies sleep?

No.

My dream self just said, damn… I forgot my baby and then continued comparing one brand of ultra thick-cut hickory smoked bacon to another brand of reduced-fat maple flavored.  And if you even have to guess which one my dream self picked, then you really don’t know me as well as I thought you did.

And then I dreamt about blogging.  I had all of these fantastic post ideas that of course my dream self neglected to write down for my awake self to remember because it’s apparently as equally negligent of its writing needs as I am.  Anyway.  As my dream self was typing out one such brilliant post, it dawned on me that I completely forgot to tell the readers that I’d had a baby.

It was such an insignificant part of my existence that it wasn’t even blog worthy.

So, somewhere in the middle of my post about people pods or my crappy taste in music or vaginas on my kindle or any other such nonsense, I typed something to the effect of, “Oh, yeah!  And I had a baby.  I can’t believe I forgot to tell you.  Oops.  So about this road trip…”

Tell me.

What does this mean?

Was it simply because my new co-worker brought her doe-eyed pudgesicle of a pants-pooper into the office and I went grocery shopping the other day?

Or could it be more?

Could my dream self actually be mocking me?

Does it know what a crappy parent I’d be and is attempting to prove it to me via segmented black and white subconscious thought streams?

I mean, really.  I know I would be a terrible parent.  I don’t need my self to tell me that.  Mockery from my own Id?

Kind of effed up.

It’s like my subconscious thinks I carelessly flit from one thing to the next with little regard for whatever I just left behind, no matter how profound it may be.

So about this bacon.

I did buy some, and so far I’ve put it to good use.  I would go so far as to say that bacon is probably a staple when cooking for one — it can be added to almost anything (salads, meats, fish, pastas, etc.) for an instant slap of delicious flavor.  Just don’t go overboard with it.

For my first meal as a pseudo-single person, table for one, I knew exactly what I wanted to make for dinner.

Pasta alla Carbonara.

Sounds fancy, right?

Well.  It’s not.  According to Wikipedia, it may have first been made as a “hearty meal for Italian charcoal workers.”  In the States, it’s sometimes referred to as “coal miners’ spaghetti.”  It’s a simple, rustic, back-to-basics pasta dish that takes all of 10-15 minutes to prepare.  The basic dish requires some type of pasta (usually spaghetti or fettuccini), some type of pork (bacon, pancetta, or the traditional guanciale), a hard cheese (like  Parmigiano-Reggiano), eggs, and black pepper.

That’s it!

Of course, the internet is full of variation recipes that call for different herbs, spices, and a slew of other veggies and accouterments, and of course over time I’ve developed my own bastardized version that I’m sharing here.  It’s a perfect “dinner for one” because you can add anything you want, and the amounts can be easily adjusted to make as little or as much as you’d like.  You really can’t mess it up.  The amounts below are guesstimates, and you likely will have leftovers.  If you don’t want leftovers, just cut it back!

  • 1/2-ish pound of dried pasta (I think I used a little less)
  • 2-3 slices of bacon
  • 1/3-ish cup of pasta water
  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1/3-ish cup of frozen corn
  • 1 large clove of garlic
  • 1/4-ish cup of Parmesan cheese that you grate yourself, plus extra for garnish (I actually used a hard cheese called Grana Padano, which I had from another recipe, but good ol’ Parm will do the trick)
  • Black pepper to taste

1.  Boil a pot of salted water and add your pasta.  Cook until al dente.  In non-fancy terms, it shouldn’t be complete mush.

2.  Stick the raw bacon in a pan and turn the heat to medium-high.  My grocery store was out of the bacon I looooove to buy, Carolina Pride, which always cooks up deliciously even and perfect, so I was stuck with this:

This stuff, whatever it is, didn’t understand my style of set-it-and-forget-it cooking, so it decided to burn the second I walked away.

I’m pretty sure it’s the bacon’s fault — not mine.  I cooked some more and used the burnt stuff, too.

Hey.  Waste not, want not.

2.  While the bacon is cooking, separate your eggs.  It’s not as hard as it sounds.  Just crack the egg, split it in half, and let the yolk slide back and forth between the two shell halves while letting the white drip out.  Soon you should be left with just yolk!

Mix the yolks with a fork.

Steal some of your pasta water (1/4-1/3 of a cup) by dipping a measuring cup directly into the pot, and slowly add that to the egg while mixing with the fork.  This tempers the egg slowly so it doesn’t get all crazy cooked and coagulated.  You don’t want to end up with scrambled egg in your pasta.

Then grate some cheese into it and stir until it melts into the hot water/yolk mixture.

3.  Once the bacon is cooked, set it aside and add some minced garlic and corn to the hot bacon grease.

Stir around for just a couple of minutes until the corn is lightly cooked and the garlic is fragrant.  (This would be wonderful with fresh corn off the cob, but I use what I have.  And what I have is frozen corn.)

4.  Crumble the bacon, add it to the pan, and stir it around.

5.  Drain the cooked pasta and add it to the pan, stirring everything with tongs or a fork to cook and combine.

6.  Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the yolk sauce.  It will cook slowly, without scrambling, and give your pasta a rich, slick flavor.  It’s incredible.

‘Scuse the intense blur, but you get the idea.

7.  Add plenty of black pepper, dish onto a plate or into a pasta bowl, and pour yourself a glass of wine.

Toast to taking the time to cook for yourself.  Be happy you’re treating yourself right, even when no one else is around to see it.

Sleep well, and dream about forgetting your baby.

Hey.

We can’t all be perfect and sometimes the bacon does get burned.

Such is life.

Really, I Blog To Make My Friends Feel Like G-List Celebrities.

Oh, and also because it’s like this journal where I can expose all of my innards to the outside world.

Sometimes I have to think really long and hard about the serious things I want to post — things like my quarter-life crisis and joblessness and depression and wanderlust — but I can also track certain life milestones, recipes I like, little things I’ve accomplished around the house, and random thoughts I have.

For example, it’s my day off today, and this morning I’ve already been very productive.  I took each of my mutts for a dip in the lake (without getting attacked by dogs that resemble mop heads or pushed ass-backwards into the water); I caught up on some light blog reading; I tried cyber stalking my little sister’s new boyfriend, but apparently the man is like a steel vault; I ate a piece of toast with some of this fantastic Vintage Bee creamed honey (3rd down on the page) that I acquired from a wine-tasting festival this summer (I know — I couldn’t believe I bought something besides wine either); and I also ate 4 bites of cold, leftover crispy burrito from last night — straight from the fridge.

Hey, if I want to eat cold leftovers for breakfast, that’s my prerogative.

Plus, all this baby talk has made me crave burritos.

Plus, they go really well with coffee.

And you don’t discover these things until you experiment a little.

So, are you interested in making your own burritos so you can eat them cold with a warm cup of coffee?  I’m going to assume you answered yes, since I really wouldn’t understand the alternative.

I got the recipe from a site called Mel’s Kitchen Cafe.  She actually calls them “Crispy Southwest Chicken Wraps,” but I tend to think “burrito” is a better word, since “wrap” makes me think of whole-wheat or sundried tomato tortillas with turkey, avocado, sprouts, and other things you might eat when you want to feel healthy.  But burritos?  Burritos make me think of beans, rice, southwest seasonings, roasted chicken and sour cream — warm things that fill my belly and make me smile.

And that’s exactly what these puppies do.

To make them, you will need:

  • 1 cup cooked rice (I used brown basmati, but really you could use whatever you have lying around)
  • 1 cup cooked, shredded chicken (I bought one of those roasted chickens from the grocery store, since Justin likes to use the leftovers to make chicken salad for lunches. Plus, I’m lazy.)
  • 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
  • 1 green onion, diced
  • 1/2 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
  • Juice from 1 lime
  • 1/2 Tablespoon chili powder
  • 1 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
  • 2 cups shredded cheese (like Mel, I used cheddar and monterey jack)
  • Sour cream (Mel says this is optional, I say it’s not. Though I’m not sure I’d win if we had a street fight over it because while I might be scrappy, she has 4 sons.)
  • Tortillas! This recipe will fill about 6 “burrito size” tortillas. (Totally forgot these on the list when I first wrote the post — thanks, Katie!)

The awesome thing about this recipe is that as long as you have the rice and seasonings, you can really play with the other ingredients as much as you want.

As per usual, especially with any type of taco/wrap recipe for some reason, my photos of the end product are terrible.  One problem is that I don’t have time to cook when it’s light outside.  So, I’d highly recommend visiting Mel’s Kitchen Cafe if you want to see the deliciousness that really comes out of this in the end.

1) Start cooking your rice.  While that’s happening, chop up the green onion, 1/2 of a bell pepper, and 1/4 cup of cilantro.

Go ahead and grate the cheese at this point, too.

Cooking is all about time management.

And wine drinking.

But mostly time management.

2)  Once the rice is finished cooking, stick it in a bowl and add all of the remaining ingredients except the cheese, sour cream, and torillas.

1/2 Tablespoon of chili powder…

1 teaspoon of cumin…

1/2 teaspoon of garlic salt…

Lime juice… this is ESSENTIAL.  Don’t leave this out!

Mix…

Chicken…

Normally, this is where you would add the black beans.  Unless, of course, you set them in the sink to drain after rinsing and completely forgot about them until after your first batch of burritos was already cooked.  Then you would need to add them to whatever filling you have left.  Oops.

3)  Layer the cheese on a tortilla, then give it a couple dollops of sour cream (do NOT skip the sour cream!), then add the filling mixture.

4)  Roll ‘em on up, then coat the burritos with cooking spray and cook for a few minutes per side in a skillet that you preheated over medium heat.

They should get nice, goldeny, and crisp.  And messy.

Give ‘em a little poorly placed cilantro hat if you want to get fancy.

Sure, they’re not as adorable as baby burritos, but you can eat them, which makes them even better than a baby burrito in my humble opinion.

Meh… okay.  It’s a toss-up.

I Have the Dinner Solution for YOU Tonight. You’re Welcome.

I would have had this finished for you earlier, but I got called away for something I will likely tell you about later this week.  Lucky for you, I’m hoping I’m still posting this just in time for you East Coasters to stop and pick up the ingredients on your way home from work.  You West Coasters still have plenty of time, and those of you overseas can have it for breakfast or something.

I am about to share with you one of my absolute favorite dinner recipes in the history of me making the occasional dinner, which has really isn’t a very long history at all.  But that doesn’t change the fact that these are de-frickin’-licious.

I’m pretty sure this is the type of thing that pleases menfolk, womenfolk, and kidlets alike.  I mean, what’s not to like about chicken thickly coated in a tasty sauce and served in a soft taco shell with lettuce, avocado cream, onions,  your favorite hot sauce, or whatever else your hungry little heart desires?

There was once a time when I rarely strayed from the usual ground beef and taco seasoning tacos.  But then I tried these.  And now I’m hooked.  The flavor is out of this world, and while the original recipe calls for all Goya brand products (usually found in the Hispanic shopping aisle of the grocery store), you really can use any brand you like.

Except for the Adobo seasoning.

But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Why haven’t I shared this recipe with you sooner?  Well, to be perfectly honest, it’s because every time I make it and try to take pictures, the photos turn out terrible.  I don’t understand it.  And I absotively, posolutely, cannot take a decent picture of a taco.

Did that sound dirty to anyone else?

And if you’re not into tacos (har-har), the chicken from these is great with nachos.  I’ve even added it to creamy cauliflower and garlic soup that had turned out pretty bland, and this gave it a great southwest kick.

Okay, NOTE:  The original recipe calls for bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts, but I find it much easier to use boneless, skinless breasts.  The result is still very tender, cooked chicken, so I don’t really see the extra point of going through the work of dealing with the bones.  

To make it the way I did, you will need:

  • 2 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce
  • 2 teaspoons white vinegar
  • 3-4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 3 1/2 teaspoons ancho chile powder (I used regular chile powder since that’s what I have already — cut this amount back to taste if you don’t like things very spicy.)
  • 1 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 2 teaspoons dried oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon sugar
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1.5 – 2 lbs. boneless, skinless chicken breasts
  • Goya Adobo with Pepper, to taste
  • Flour or corn tortillas

See the Adobo seasoning?  It’s basically like a seasoned salt, and really yummy.  I highly recommend picking some of this up in the Hispanic food section of your grocery store.  Make sure you get the one that says “with pepper.”  You will very likely find yourself using it with more than just this recipe.

1.  In a small bowl, mix together the first 7 ingredients: 2 cans of tomato sauce, 2 teaspoons of white vinegar, minced garlic, 3 1/2 teaspoons of chile powder, 1 teaspoon of cumin, 2 teaspoons of oregano, and 1/2 teaspoon sugar.  Don’t ask why there’s a full teaspoon of sugar in the above picture.  That was probably an accident.  A very happy accident.

Also sprinkle in some of your Adobo seasoning.  I’m pretty liberal with this stuff.  Feel free to taste your sauce as you go, so you see which flavors each seasoning is contributing to the overall taste.  It’s a good way to learn.

2.  Heat your 2 Tablespoons of olive oil in a very large skillet over medium-high heat.  Sprinkle more Adobo seasoning over both sides of your chicken breasts, and when the skillet is hot, add the breasts and cook the chicken for 2-3 minutes on each side until they’re lightly browned.  They will NOT be cooked through at this point, and that’s exactly how we want it.

3. Add the tomato sauce mixture to the pan and bring the liquid to a boil.

Honestly?  If you had the pan hot enough to begin with, the sauce will get hot pretty quickly.  Since tomato sauce tends to splatter when it boils, I usually just give it a quick stir, cover the chicken, and then turn the heat down to medium-low.  It’s VERY important that you cover the pan!  This will help your chicken get nice and tender.

Simmer it like this for about 10 minutes, then remove the lid ONCE to flip the breasts, then put the lid back on and don’t touch it again for another 10 minutes.  The chicken is cooked when it’s no longer pink inside.

4.  Once the chicken is cooked, remove the pan from the heat and set the chicken breasts on a plate or cutting board.  Leave the rest of the sauce inside the pan!  Use 2 forks to shred your chicken up into nice pieces.  If you did like I asked and left the lid to the pan alone, the chicken should shred pretty easily.

5.  Add the shredded chicken back into the pan, mix it around with the sauce, and let it cook (without the lid this time) over medium-low heat for about another 10 minutes until the sauce thickens up and begins to caramelize.

There really shouldn’t be much “loose” sauce in the bottom of the pan by the time it’s done — it will all be thick and coating the chicken.

Can I get a mmmmmmm?

That’s it!  Then you just stuff the chicken into your tortillas (preferably warmed), garnish with whatever you like, hold them in front of your mouth, then inhale until everything lands in your stomach.

I like mine pretty plain with sour cream or avocado cream (mashed avocados mixed with sour cream, salt, pepper, and garlic), but you could easily go with the works on these — lettuce, tomatoes, hot sauce, onion, lime, etc.

Wow, that photo doesn’t make these look very appetizing.  But trust me — they are.

These have replaced the brisket tacos I wrote about here.  Why?  Frankly, the chicken tacos are cheaper and I like them better.  The brisket tacos were easy since they were made in a slow-cooker, but… I don’t know.  You’ll just have to try these.  Then you’ll understand.

Here’s one with sauteed red and green peppers on a whole wheat tortilla.

Yummy.

And, like I said before, the meat is versatile.  Try the leftovers on cheesy baked nachos or in a creamy southwestern soup.

Let me know if you come up with some winning combinations.

I might be slightly addicted to this stuff.

Enjoy!

**UPDATE:  Woohoo!  I found a still-not-great-but-halfway-decent-which-is-like-25%-more-decent-than-the-other-taco-pictures taco picture!  I was going through some old memory cards and found this one, which I must have taken yet another time I made these, apparently still searching for the ever elusive good picture of a taco.  Seriously, if you have any tips, I’d greatly appreciate it.  Thank you.

She still looks a little… I don’t know… sparse?  Naked?  This one has avocado cream, and I promise you — the flavor of the chicken combined with this is more than enough taste to go around.

You Only Want Me For My Tartlets

I was kind of extra word babbly yesterday,  huh?  Sorry about that.  I can’t promise it won’t happen again, because I’m pretty sure it will.  But today I’ll keep it simple, because I have approximately 671 things I want to get done before Saturday, most of which pertain to Alaina’s upcoming baby shower party, and others for my own personal sanity.

I promised to share with you the absolute best party appetizer of all time — the thing that guarantees instant popularity at any function for the person who brings them.  They’re not fancy, and most “foodies” would cringe at their unapologetic use of dried herbs and pre-made biscuit dough, but for some reason, people just can’t get enough of ‘em.  It is for these tasty little bites that I overcome my fear of refrigerated, popping biscuit tubes time and time again.

The recipe is called Bacon Tomato Tartlets, but you just might want to call them Tartlets in case you’re around anyone who has a fear of tomatoes or bacon.  Plus, “tartlets” is just fun to say.  Justin hates tomatoes, yet he would gobble up a whole batch of these if I let him.  And if you don’t like bacon, then I think you might have problems.

My fantastic neighbor gave me this recipe, and she got it from her fantastic friend, and I’m not sure where it originated before that.  I posted the recipe here on Tasty Kitchen, so go give me my first review if you make them!

But only if you think they’re good.

To make them, you will need:

  • 1 (12 oz.) can refrigerated, flaky biscuit dough (This HAS to be the flaky stuff.  You’ll see why in a sec.)
  • 6 strips of bacon, cooked and crumbled
  • 1 medium tomato, seeded and diced
  • 3 oz. Mozzarella cheese, shredded (I probably use more like 5 oz. when I’m guesstimating.)
  • 1/2 c. Hellmann’s Real Mayonnaise (I’m pretty sure this has to be Hellmann’s.  Don’t argue with me about this, and don’t you dare use that crap they call Miracle Whip.  The only miracle is that it doesn’t make me vomit.  You have been warned.)
  • 1 tsp. dried basil
  • 1 tsp. dried thyme
  • 1/2 tsp. dried oregano
  • 3/4 tsp. garlic salt

You can see I used 2 Roma tomatoes this time in lieu of 1 medium tomato.  Just go with what you have — the ingredients don’t need to be exact.

1)  Cook your bacon on the stove until crispy.  Even if you normally like chewy bacon, you have to remember that this isn’t about you right now — it’s about the tartlets.  And the tartlets need it crispy.  Just lay the bacon in a cool skillet (I love to use my cast iron grill pan), turn the heat to medium-high, and let it cook in its own grease for a bit.  When the bottom turns brown, flip and do the same to the other side.

mmm… bacon.

Once it’s cooked, crumble it up on a paper towel to soak up the grease.

2)  Mix all of the ingredients (except the biscuit dough) together in a bowl.

*TIP:  At this point you can cover and refrigerate the mixture for a day or two before preparing the tartlets if you don’t want to make everything the day you need them.

3)  Remove the biscuit dough from the refrigerator (this step is easier to do if the dough is cold), try not to jump out of your panties when you pop the tube open, and separate each biscuit into 3 layers.  This is why they need to be the flaky kind.

See how they separate naturally?

Spray a mini muffin tin with non-stick spray and use each 1/3 biscuit to line each muffin cup.  There will be enough for exactly 24 mini tarts.  Aka tartlets.  Why is that word so fun??

4)   Fill each biscuit cup with your filling mixture and bake at 350-degrees F for 10-12 minutes until the biscuits are lightly browned.

Some might poof up more than others, but it’s very likely no one will notice since they’ll be gone in approximately 4.8 seconds.

And everyone will be like, Where did that extremely popular person go who made those delicious tartlets?  I think those were like… the best tartlets I ever tasted in my life.  Go tartlets!  Tartlets.  Tartlets.  Tartlets.  Why is that word so awesome?

And you can just sit back and bask in the glory.

Just try not to eat them all before you leave the house.