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I’m Not Coming Back (and You Can’t Make Me)

Just thought I’d stop in and let everyone know that I have decided to forego the Frederick apartment and Costa Rica trip and pretty much my life as I know it to live out the rest of my days with my in-laws in Cape Cod.

I haven’t run the idea by them yet, but I’m sure they’d be cool with it.  I mean, who wouldn’t want an unemployed 28-year-old shacking up with them for all of eternity?

They shouldn’t have a ‘Welcome’ sign if they don’t mean it.

I love visiting Chuckles’ folks.  Aside from being two of the nicest, most laidback people on the face of the Earth, they’ve managed, over 17-odd years, to transform their property into a heavenly piece of mellow, stress-free paradise.

Here’s how a typical morning goes when we visit:  I wake up around 9 a.m. to find freshly ground coffee waiting for me in the kitchen.  Amen.  Then, I shuffle (because that’s the only way I know how to transport myself in the morning) out to the porch where I’m greeted by the warm sun, a cool morning breeze and this…


…and these…

…and these.

And then I proceed to lounge around in my jammies in a drooling, zen-like trance for the better part of the morning until a plate of cheesy scrambled eggs, fluffy waffles topped with fresh fruit and homemade Kahlua whipped cream, and a Bloody Mary that’d make you slap your mama magically appears in front of me. 

And then I silently give thanks that, for some insane reason, Chuckles’ parents keep inviting me up to mercilessly sponge off their polite hospitality.  Obviously, these people haven’t learned enough about me yet.

Seriously, I’m not even kidding when I say that being here is the best high you can get without a dealer on speed dial.  Everything about this place is quiet and peaceful and homey and just so frickin’ picturesque, from the flowers Jude planted out front…

…to the vegetable garden Rick cultivated out back with his 10 green thumbs…

…to the stone patio they recently put in by themselves

…everything about this place screams, “CHILL THE FRICK OUT, YOU NEUROTIC HEADCASE.”

And sometimes I need to be bossed around a bit, you know?

“Dude.  You’re, like, totally harshing my mellow with that camera.”