This Blog Is About To Get Even Better. If That’s Possible.
I know, I can’t believe it either.
But as riveting as posts about pet dust bunnies and senseless wine glass violence are, we’re kicking it up a notch, folks.
See how I did that? That easy.
As Katie revealed earlier, very soon here we’re about to get even less domestic than we were to begin with. Normally, I’d say the only way that’d be possible is if we moved to rural Arkansas and spent our days on a rickety porch in bare feet and rolled-up overalls blowing mountain songs on whiskey jugs.
But, in this instance, it means we’re blowing off our household duties (ha! like we did them to begin with) and hitting the road for two whole months.
And this ain’t your grandma’s annual road trip to the Atlantic City slots, either.
All right, we’ve toyed with your emotions enough.
We’ve explained, for the most part, about why and for how long, but it’s finally time to tell you where we’re going–
–And to do so, we’ve arranged a month-long series of events featuring increasingly elaborate tasks our readers must accomplish prior to the “GRAND FINALE REVEAL!” on August 30th at the Molson Amphitheater in Ontario, Canada. Tickets are on sale now!
–Or I can just tell you that we’re going to Costa Rica. Hah, how I slay myself!
But, in all seriousness, Costa Rica is, in fact, where we’re going.
And while we’re there from mid-August to mid-October, we’ll be doing some volunteer work for a chili pepper farm, taking a metric ton of photos, sampling fascinating cuisine (for a related topic, see list item #1 below), venturing out on exciting weekend excursions, and generally trying not to contract malaria.
Ok, I’ll admit that was kind of a weak reveal after weeks and weeks of buildup but, in all fairness, we kind of trapped ourselves in a situation where anything short of hearing that we’re launching into outer space was going to be a disappointment to some reader out there.
Plus, it’s not like we’re getting paid to do this blog. So walk it off.
Besides, going to Costa Rica isn’t even the most exciting news.
In fact, Katie already mentioned the best part in her last post, but you were probably too busy staring at her boobs. But that’s ok. I know it’s hard to resist their sweet siren song.
So are you ready to hear the good news (again)?
Cause here it comes…
You’re coming to Costa Rica with us!
And here’s a little taste of what you’ll be experiencing…
Miravalles Volcano in Guanacaste
Llanos de Cortez, outside Bagaces
Parque Nacional Rincón de la Vieja
Now, before you arm-sweep everything off your desk into your trashcan and start flipping off coworkers while lugging a briefcase full of smuggled office supplies to your car, I feel I should add a caveat here.
We can’t literally take you with us since you probably have families who’d get all weird and start putting up “Missing” posters with your face on them all over town.
Besides, with six hours of direct, unadulterated exposure to Katie, me, and our incessant, senseless chatter on the flight to Costa Rica, the odds are extremely high that you’d be clawing at that emergency door handle somewhere shortly after takeoff, ready for sweet, silent oblivion.
But we can still take you with us in a less “suicide-y” way. And we intend to — by continuing this here blog from Costa Rica, so that the tales of our shenanigans might be a shining beacon of light in your otherwise crap life.
Or, you know, just a way for you to burn a quick five minutes each day.
Anyhoo, now that the secret’s out, let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?
Based on my research of the Guanacaste region of Costa Rica in which we’ll be visiting and the opinions of a doctor (or I assume he is… whatever, he wears a lab coat) — as well as the unsolicited advice of a large number of nosy strangers — apparently, Katie and I can look forward to the following:
1. At least one or more vengeful bouts of “travelers’ diarrhea” that will literally make us wish we’d never been born, let alone left the States. My doctor gave me the sunny prognosis that there’s about an 85% likelihood that several days of the trip will be spent in agonizing torment in the seventh circle of hell (otherwise known as “the crapper”). Awesome. I’m debating whether or not I will subject you guys to this apparently inevitable little incident. It will largely depend on how bitter and hate-filled I’m feeling after all’s said and done.
2. Extremely hot, humid conditions. It will be muggy and steamy and damp. Also, it will be oppressive and suffocating and moist. Basically, it will be like living inside someone’s mouth for two months.
3. Being wet every moment of every day until our skin has absorbed so much water that we look like bloated, Jabba-the-Hut versions of our former selves. Our little excursion directly coincides with the rainy season, which means fewer tourists (good, cause I hate those people) but also lots of, well, rain. Who knew? So much rain, in fact, that mud becomes a big problem and many roads are impassable during this season.
So that’s the short list of what to expect, for starters. Rest assured, there will be plenty more related posts to follow as we gain a better understanding of what exactly we’ve gotten ourselves into…
But you know what?
I’m still insanely, unbelievably, losing-my-mind excited about this trip!
Because, after years of living comfortable, unassuming ordinary lives, we’re embarking on a journey that will be equal parts frustrating, enlightening, scary, freeing, challenging, beautiful, lonely, interesting, and different.
And, well, ain’t that what life’s about?
Ah, there’s nothing like living blogcariously through my sister and Katie. If you want to steel yourselves to the impending intestinal mud storm, take about 20 chewable vitamin C tablets for a couple of days. That should give you an idea of what to expect.
Also, I expect you to risk imprisonment and potential Dustin Hoffman style outbreak by bringing me back raw foods and/or live animals. Seriously, whatever “fits”…in your luggage, of course.
I’ll be sure to try out your “training” tip if I’m feeling especially self-destructive one day…
And you can have one of the matching set I bring back after they’re done breeding me my monkey army.
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