Navigate / search

I Used To Be A Bartender, Back When I Was Working My Way Through Bartending

While the movie, “How Do You Know?” required no less than 3 alcoholic beverages for me to get through it, I have to say — a couple of the lines were real gems.

Like, Never drink to feel better — Only drink to feel even better.

Good advice, no?

And, Don’t judge anybody else until you check yourself out. That way you’re lucky if it’s your fault because you can check the situation.

That’s so… zen.

And, I think I’m in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls.

Never have truer words been spoken.

I even felt a certain kinship with Reese Witherspoon’s character, Lisa, when she was talking about how it seems like everybody’s “regular plan” is to fall in love, get married and have babies, but she’s not sure she’s cut out for everyone’s “regular plan.”

Umm… Domestiphobic much?

Seriously.  There were so many profound thoughts and quotes stuffed into this movie, they could compile ’em to create volume 537 of Chicken Soup for the Existential Soul.

But it turned out there was one that worked its way out of the mass of banality to stick in my head like gum to a shoe and I can’t figure out why.  At one point in the movie, Paul Rudd’s character George says,

I used to be a bartender, back when I was working my way through bartending.

At first I thought it was hilarious.  I mean, what a clever way for him to describe a time in his life when he really was just doing what he was doing.  There was no bigger plan.  There was no ultimate goal.  The plan was to make enough money to pay that month’s bills, and the goal was to go home with the most attractive woman in the bar that night.

That was it.

But as I thought about it more, it became… less funny.

Because I realized, if most of us were really honest with ourselves, we’d recognize that we’re doing the same thing.  We’re fairly certain our lives are heading for something better, but until then, we’re just floating along, trying to get from one day to the next.  Sure, we might have generic goals, like buy a house, find our dream career, start a family… and it’s awful because we’re so sure that once we achieve these goals, we’ll finally be satisfied.

George even says, “We’re all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.”

Many people love that line.

I happen to hate it.

I mean, really George?  I just need to make one little change — finally buy that throw pillow I’ve been eying?  Pop out a couple of kids?  Quit my job and move to Costa Rica?  Tell me, what is that thing that will finally solve all my problems?

Quench my restlessness?

Satiate my unhappiness?

Because if I knew what it was, and I knew it would make everything roses and double rainbows for the rest of my life, I’d do it without hesitation.

But that’s the problem with this type of mentality.  If I’m constantly making these adjustments and waiting for the next thing to happen with the expectation that I’ll finally reach this ultimate level of satisfaction, I’m probably going to be waiting forever.  My life will be spent like the greyhound chasing the fake rabbit ’round and ’round the track — thinking, if I could just catch it, my life would be complete.

The fact I have to grasp is that I won’t catch it.  And soon I’ll be too old to chase it.  And even if I did catch it, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t taste how I expected.

Contrary to how it might read, this isn’t intended to be pessimistic.  It’s meant to be a revelation, of sorts, on my part.  A way for me to say to myself, It’s okay that I’m going to work in a bar tonight.  It’s okay that I still haven’t sent any pitches to any editors.  It’s okay that I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now and WordPress still hasn’t Freshly Pressed me.


As cliché as it is, I need to start finding joy in my every day, because they’re passing by at an alarming pace.  I can still make daily goals and work on things I want to accomplish, but no more thinking, “If only I had this, then I’d be happy.”

It doesn’t work that way.

I just need to be.

And the happy will come.


Thank you for reading Domestiphobia! This post might contain affiliate links. Knowing you stopped by totally validates the time I spend here, so leave a comment. Preferably a nice one. I'm also on Facebook, Twitter, and sometimes Instagram if you want to connect.



As I was wolfing down deep-fried tacos (you have to try) and a Corona last night to “celebrate” Cinco de Mayo, I had an epiphany.

Because that’s what happens when you eat buy .50 tacos at a bar…you have epiphanies.

I am probably the most discontent, dissatisfied, easily bored, and indecisive person in the world. Every time I start something, I’m already looking for what’s next. Every time I commit to something, I’m already looking for a way out. And I can’t decide what i want to do with my life much less what beer I want with dinner.

And then I read this post and felt much better. Because now I know I’m not completely insane for feeling this way…and that I too need to focus on the now. :)


Deep fried tacos??! That sounds amazing.

And I hate to break it to you, but you’re still a little insane. The post made you feel better because you’re only the second most discontent, dissatisfied, easily bored and indecisive person in the world. ;)

Tile Tramp

A-freakin’-men! Once again, it’s a relief to know that I’m not alone with these “crazy” thoughts. Domestiphobics unite!


Haha, I’m building a small, yet outspoken army – we will be heard! :)

Marisa Wikramanayake

*stands up and applauds*

I have a friend who wants all these things to happen in her life. And then she goes and makes a checklist of all the things that need to happen to make whatever she wants to happen.

Great planning, right?

Except that she then waits for every damn thing on her checklist to happen before making a move. But a lot of the things are things that she cannot control and yet she seeks to control them in some way before making a move to get what she wants.

But there is never a good time to buy a house, to get married, to have a child, to travel the world, to write a book, to change careers, to end or start relationships – there just never is because not everything on the checklist of things to make all the conditions favourable for your big move is ever going to happen the way you want it or when you want it to.

So yes, I don’t like that line: “One small adjustment away…” Not unless the adjustment is in deciding to let go of the checklist, plan realistically and know when to let go and jump into what you want.

If I had a checklist, I wouldn’t be so close to finishing my book right now – I’d still be working at a job I didn’t like, trying to save up enough money to justify taking one year off to write it. One year. As I have written this novel, I have realised that it needs all the time over the last five odd years that has been put into it. I would have never finished it in one year and I would have never learnt as much as I have over the past year.

Even more important, I wouldn’t have been able to tell others about what I have learnt about how to write a book in the first place.

So you know what? It doesn’t matter whether you’re waitressing so long as you get up and ask yourself “Am I going where I want to go with my life and is this waitressing job helping me in some way (even if it is just to pay bills) to get there?”

And you already seem to be doing that anyway.

So be and do what you want to that will make you smile, make you happy, help you get where you want to go – happiness will come.

I forsee you writing a book down the line that will become a bestseller. :-D


Amen, sista. ;)


oh guuuuuurl.

this post resonates with me.

again, you’re scaring me.

1. i was so psyched to see How Do You Know… but thought it was completely craptastic. had potential, but man that movie SUCKED. agree, there were some good lines. and so disappointing cus i love paul rudd and owen wilson.

2. i totally related to reese in that movie too. i think we’ve already established this: we are restless unsatisfied, always searching kinda girls.

3. i HOPE that the costa rica comment was an Office reference, cus if so, i love you even more than i thought possible.


Uh, oh… I hate that I’m about to disappoint you, but I actually did quit my job and move to Costa Rica for 2 months last year. So it’s not an Office reference. In fact, the Office kind of depressed me because it was waaaaay too similar to the job I quit and caused me to run away to Costa Rica.

Ironic, no?

Don't be shy... tell me what you think!