Greeting Cards: Just My Way of Expressing How Much Better I Am Than You.
So I have some news.
It’s mind-blowing, really.
This last year, the Christmas Season of 2012, to be exact, will go down in the books as the very first year of my adult life that I actually mailed Christmas cards.
(Excluding, of course, those sent from a 30-pack of A Christmas Story themed cards I originally bought four — four! — years ago. The box still sits in a dusty corner of my office closet with a sad little medley of three or four remaining pink bunny suit and frah-gee-lay leg lamp greeting cards rattling inside. With matching envelopes.)
I’ve never really sent cards because I’m super disorganized when it comes to things like addresses and stamps. You know — items required to send things via U.S. post. But then I just figured, hey. If I leave you out because I don’t have your address, that’s just less work for me.
And it might prompt you to send me your address so you get a card when I make more in another six years.
Because these were work, my friends.
Not only did I hand address and tongue lick each and every envelope (resulting in only one paper cut inside my mouth), but I actually designed and printed our own highly informative, graphically interesting, and super conceited marriage summary cards in lieu of all of those year-in-review letters I never felt inclined to write because we didn’t have kids. Because frankly, no one seems to care what you’re doing when you don’t have kids. But then I realized dammit, we have done some pretty cool crap and maybe, instead of hiding behind my empty uterus, I should — you know — just go ahead and brag about our accomplishments anyway because I have news, my friends: celebratory milestones can be reached during our adult lives that involve neither children nor weddings.
You just don’t get to register for gifts.
Though maybe I’m on to something there.
Because really, when you look at the card, it appears as though Justin and I have done quite a bit, both individually and together. And okay, aside from the obvious fact that these achievements are “gift enough” or some other such nonsense, who’s to say that the near completion of a total home overhaul doesn’t deserve its own gift registries at Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel to properly outfit its new floors, walls, and ceilings? Or the fact that we’ve skydived, scubadived, and sunbathed nude doesn’t merit a registry with Rugged Warehouse or Trafalgar Tours so we can continue the adventures? Or why can’t people just buy us crap because they love us and we’ve survived over 6 years of being legally bound to one another?
I took some screen shots of the card.
The front is sickeningly adorable:
And the inside is where I displayed all of our huge eff-yeah moments since we got married in 2006:
That’s not to say we didn’t have any eff-yeah moments before we got married. We did. But this is a marriage summary card — not a life summary card. It’s only 5.5″x8.5″. Yeesh.
And we also traveled to many more places within the U.S. but decided to leave those out because visiting family is more work than vacation (youknowwhatI’msayin’) and also, I just got tired of working on the card.
And I ran out of wine.
But, you know, I just made my own design.
Because I don’t have a job.
And I can’t afford designers.
So if you’re interested in doing something like this next year but don’t have the time to make your own and can afford designers, give them a call.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to frame mine for my office because I have to admit —
Looking at this card makes me feel immensely happy.
It’s like… all of those times I think I’m not doing enough or seeing enough, my mind physically blocks the memories of the things I actually have done and leaves me wallowing in undeserved, superficial self-pity.
And that is CRAP.
And now all I have to do is look at the card to remember that.
Last year I told you about this girl Nicole and her annual goal setting process. It’s actually a 6 step process, but since I’m about as far from a Type A personality as you can get (is there such thing as Type Z?), I tend to stop after Step 2. I have my word from my last post, MOMENTUM, to describe my dreams for the coming year, and now I have my giant Eff Yeah list in the form of a holiday greeting card.
This seems like a good start, you know?
And big changes are ahead this year.
But I can’t give it all away in January.
That would be like ripping all of my clothes off during the first 30 seconds of my act at the strip club.
And I couldn’t do that. It would be anticlimactic.
I’d have to make you wait for it.
If I were — you know — a stripper.
Which I’m not.
But blogging is kind of like stripping. I just take it off, one layer at a time, until you know me better than I know me.
And I’m pretty sure that’s exciting for both of us.