Dear Company Recruiter,
I am confident that I would make a highly-qualified addition to your dynamic team because I have spent the last 29 years being a foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, judgmental shrew who frequently makes fun of strangers and anyone else I deem unlikely or unable to retaliate. I also can’t be left alone with cookies that aren’t mine, I talk loudly on my cell phone in public and I giggle when I see people trip. I believe that all of these qualities prove that I am the unparalleled choice for carrying on your company’s proud name.
Oh, and something about family planning or reproductive health. Or whatever.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Hugs n’ kisses,
Erin
