What? Everyone Knows I’d Be a Great Mom
The other night my sister and I were watching the same television show at the same time.
I know this because she called me from her apartment in Miami and we proceeded to discuss important issues like why the brunette would be a better choice for the Bachelor but he was so obviously going to pick the blonde because he’s a douche and just look at her.
*I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I only watched 2 episodes of The Bachelor – the first and the last. And that’s only because there wasn’t a new How I Met Your Mother. And I obviously can’t do something productive during T.V. time. Because it’s T.V. time. Duh.
Anyway, I politely told my sister to shut up and hung up the phone because the show was back on.
A bit later, she called me again.
Kelly: Hey, did you see that commercial?
Me: Umm… what commercial?
Kelly: The one with the mom and the kid and the Jell-0 cheesecake things.
Me: You know I don’t watch commercials.
Justin: [pretending to work on his computer but snickering obnoxiously]
Kelly: Oh, well it reminded me of you.
Justin: [louder snicker – still doesn’t make eye contact]
Me: How so?
Kelly: Because if you were a mom, I could totally see you doing what the mom in the commercial did to her kid.
Justin: [busts out laughing]
Kelly: See, this adorable little girl is standing in front of her parents, and her mom is telling her this awful story about how another little girl got trapped in some horrible dark cave with snakes and bogeymen and no cartoons. And the daughter, who looks terribly frightened, is all, “But she got out, right mommy?” and the mom, in complete seriousness, goes, “No. She was trapped there for 100 years. All by herself. And that’s why you should never take mommy and daddy’s Strawberry Cheesecake Temptations.”
Kelly: And that is so YOU!
Me: What?! [looking towards Justin to gain a sense of camaraderie, but to no avail]
Justin: [smiling] You know you would.
And I hate to admit it, but it’s true.
It’s probably why my neighbors rarely ask me to babysit and why, when my sister does have a baby, she’ll be hesitant to ever let me near it. Especially if “it” is a girl.
It would be like this cartoon from my favorite comic blog, Fudge That Sugar, so aptly explains:
Comic #17 by Kat at FudgeThatSugar.wordpress.com.
See, I would definitely be Kat in this scenario. In fact, I probably have been Kat in this scenario. I have very few qualms about telling it like it is. Especially to children.
They need to learn, right?
I mean, really… what’s so wrong with letting my daughter think something bad will happen to her if she eats my food? It’s MY food. There’s a reason they make children so gullible. Totally acceptable parenting, if you ask me.
Which you didn’t.
And now we all know why.