Sticks ‘n Stones…
I think I want to talk about ugly people this morning.
Not “ugly” as in physically unattractive, but people who are coarse and calloused. Like unpedicured skin under a big toe.
Abrasive.
Sandpaper.
Fortunately for me, it’s rare that I’ve encountered these people in my life. The ones who are genuinely mean. The ones who take pleasure in causing others pain. And especially the ones who know it.
I can tell the real ones — the genuinely bad ones — apart from the ones who were just brought up rough, who don’t know how to handle themselves, who have issues deeper than the need to hurt, by the way they make me feel. If I mostly just feel sorry for them, they’re the ones who can still be helped. Who probably aren’t really mean, but, for whatever reason, have a hard time with the world. They’re fixable. And one day, if someone is patient with them, they can find a way to be happy.
But the others? The unfixable ones? They make me feel frustrated. Angry. Sometimes hurt, if I forget myself and the fact that they don’t matter in the scheme of things.
And the bitch of it is, they’re relentless. An air of nastiness precedes them when they walk into a room, and your muscles tense, and your jaw clenches, and you can feel the eggshells scatter across the floor like a flower girl tossing out so many petals.
How many times can a person not react when a rock is thrown? A jibe is tossed? A button is pushed?
The answer is, countless times. Because as difficult as it is to not react to a person like this, the alternative feeds them.
It’s the oldest lesson in the book, but for some reason it’s one of the hardest to grasp.
Just ignore it.
It’s HARD because words do hurt. But it’s important, my friends, to take into account where the words are coming from. If they’re coming from an ugly person — a person who feeds from your pain — then their words have no meaning. They’re just tools that person uses to get what she wants from you.
A reaction.
And if there’s anyone in this world who doesn’t deserve to get what she wants, it’s the calloused canker sore of a bitch who will never understand. Who will never know what it’s like to have friends or people in her life who don’t tiptoe around her acidic aura. And I’d pity her if it weren’t a waste of my time, because she likes how she is.
So.
It’s unfortunate that these people exist. But they do. And we can choose to let them affect us — to make us uglier, too, with our reactions.
Or we can let it slide.
I know which way I choose.
How about you?
Comments
Let is slide for sure. I love giving no reaction to people who are obviously looking for one.
Exactly. Sometimes it’s hard to take the high road, but it’s gotta be done.
This type of person is the perfect reason to be overly nice! It chills them to the bone and gives them a taste of their own medicine in a reverse psychology kind of way. I have a few of these people I deal with regularly!!!
I don’t comment often but read your blog daily :0) Love it
I totally agree, though I’ll admit that sometimes I just don’t have it in me to be overly nice, either. Usually i just shrug it off and act like their bitchiness is their own issue (which it is). But either way, at least we’re not giving them what they want. :)
Thank you!! I know I’ve seen you comment before — I really appreciate you taking the time to read my babble. :)
Usually I let it slide but there are those times where I just have to react.
Like last week when I was driving to work. I was in the passing lane on the freeway and this guy in a black Subaru came right up on my tailpipe and stayed there for a while. I couldn’t move over (as I was in the process of passing some cars); but not wanting to have a vehicular butt-buddy I brake checked the guy to tell him, “Get off my a$$!”
Well, when I finally had the chance to get over in the other lane he took no time to accelerate and pass me. While passing me he saluted me with the good ol’ middle finger. Thusly, I felt the need to give him a return salute.
Then I secretly hoped he’d crash. But no injury…just wreck his car. ;)
Well. Road rage is entirely different. We can’t be saints all the time, now can we?? :)
I am a wimp when it comes to these people. They just scare me, as confrontation is not my thing, and even though I know I’m in the right, and I know I’m smarter, I just tremble and think of things I wish I would’ve said later. Over my life I can see where I’ve let them scare me into shyness and avoidance. But any time spent on them in reaction or fear, or even worrying about what we should’ve said that wouldn’t have changed them anyway, just gives them too much of our lives and energy.
You’re exactly right — except I wish you wouldn’t let them scare you. It’s good to not confront them — they like that as much as they’d like to see you cry. I’ve found that in the end, a mild shrug seems to work best. Eventually, when they act surprised that they haven’t gotten a reaction from you, just say,”Yeah… I just figured you were PMSing or something.” Make it sound like it’s THEIR problem. Because it is. :)
I know exactly what you’re talking about, unfortunately. How is it that people can sleep at night when they treat people like that all the time? How can they possibly be content with saying things like that or blatantly treating people terribly?
You can only take that negative behavior for so long until it becomes abundantly clear that you have to end the friendship/acquaintance with them– you can only shrug off and ignore them for so long. But once you do cut ties, it’s amazing how freeing it is to no longer be around such bad/negative/hurtful people. Then you can just pity them for having such a miserable existence… not that I continue to hold a grudge or anything… ;-)
You are absolutely right! There’s just no room in life for people like that in our lives — no matter what you do, you’re not going to change how they are or how they treat you. Unfortunately, I’m kind of stuck with my particular crappy person for the time being and reasons beyond my control, so I guess I just need to suck it up and deal by writing passive-aggressive posts about her. ;)