And That’s Why You Should Invest in a Fuzzy Bath Mat.
Last night I had a mini breakdown.
All of the big things and all of the little things culminated in my mind at approximately 7:36 p.m. and I was, to put it mildly, inconsolable for the next 7 minutes. I cried. I wrote an angry email to my boss. I cried some more. I panicked and tried to see if I could “un-send” the email to my boss. I was relieved when I saw that I couldn’t. I curled up on my super plush and comforting bathroom rug in a face-down fetal position and watched, fascinated, as black spots of watery mascara marred its fuzzy white fibers. I stayed there until I couldn’t breathe, as my sinuses filled with all of the stuff that comes to the surface when we cry hard.
Then I cried some more, because I couldn’t even cry right without having to stop for lack of proper breathing technique. I mean, everyone can breathe. But me? No. Ask me to do one thing, and I’m pretty sure I’ll find a way to screw it up.
And so it goes.
The thought process of the minorly depressed.
Then I vented on Facebook, for crying out loud:
Drained. Physically, emotionally. Tired of feeling worthless at work. Angry at myself for not — STILL — being gainfully self-employed. Exhausted from loneliness. Pissed that I’m pissed about turning 30. I thought I’d be above that. But when you realize you’ve not only NOT reached your goals by a certain age but have managed to take a healthy flying leap backwards, it’s like… indescribably demoralizing. And now I’m complaining about it on Facebook, which we all know is like tapping the keg at my own effin’ pity party.
Then again, maybe it’s just my period.
And that made me laugh, a little, and so did some of the responses.
I feel better today.
Sometimes, I think, we just need to vent.
All over email, Facebook, and a soft, soft rug.
P.S. Check back later if you’re interested in learning how to build a closet organizer out of plumbing pipes. Because… you know… isn’t everyone?
I’m really sorry that you had a mini breakdown but I’m glad that you’re feeling better today. Sometimes it helps to just get it all out :) Just so you know you’re one of the coolest people I know and one of the reasons for that is because you always go after what you want. You may change your mind about what you want or where you want to go the next day but you still go after it ;) You don’t sugarcoat things and I love you for that. Hang in there and please call me if you ever need anything. I’m not far away and I may not have expert advice to give you but I can always drink some beer and lend an ear.
Thanks, Les. It’s good to have a beer buddy nearby. :)
Katie, I’m so glad you’re feeling better today! It’s always a good thing to vent and process all those expectations into a fuzzy bath mat!
On the morning of my 30th bday in November, I got up before the sunrise and went to a local cemetary and walked around reading tombstones in the frosty morning, watched the sun break through the beautiful sky and cried.
Spent the rest of the day wishing I had invested in the Kleenex Corporation. But 18 years later, I’m still here. I still cry on occasion, but I’m happy overall. I needed that walk in the cemetary that morning. It helped me appreciate life and get past that 30th bday thing.
Have a stellar day!!!
Wow, that sounds like an eye-opening way to spend your birthday morning! Peaceful, though. And though it seems kind of morbid, I bet it helped put everything into perspective. Thank you for sharing that, Bex. :)
I think it is very, very safe to say that there isn’t one man or woman on the face of this planet that doesn’t have a day or emotional breakdown. It’s what makes us human, the ability to feel emotion, to become overwhelmed and consumed by it. Holding it in is the worst you can do, you body and mind are trying to let out this toxic sludge you’ve held in for so long.
Keep calm and carry on.
Wise words, Jamie. And you’re right — we can only hold it in for so long. :)
Well, as long as you’re not investing in assault rifles, then I still have faith in ya.
um… no comment.
I don’t know what to say to this, but I found it very moving, so just thought I’d say that.
Sometimes I just have to be honest. :)