My house smells like stale coffee.
Not that coffee can really get stale, since it’s a liquid, but you know what I mean.
Like coffee that used to be good, but now… isn’t.
It’s probably because of all of the grounds that get dumped after a fresh pot is brewed, and I know. I know I’m supposed to do something with them like compost or sprinkle them in my nonexistent garden to protect against rabbits or slugs or use it to do crafty things like stain furniture or give myself a fake tan, but come on.
I can only do so much.
I’m not one of those bloggers, you know, who just knows everything about how to do everything.
So I throw out the coffee grounds.
And it’s very likely that’s what makes my house smell like a past-its-prime coffee shop on a neglected street corner.
And also, I don’t dust or sweep nearly as much as I should. I’d like to say it’s because I believe that the inhalation of dander makes us stronger people, but really it’s just because I hate dusting and sweeping. So when a fluffy ball of reckless fur hastily retreats under the sofa in the breeze of my footsteps, I pretend not to notice. Bunny? What bunny?
I break things. And spill them. And overall make a general nuisance of myself, even when no one’s around to see it.
And sometimes I lose my temper.
In, like, a really embarrassing way because it usually involves electronics. Because when my printer pulls ten sheets of paper through the feeder or my computer decides to freeze mid batch photo edit, I become fairly well convinced that they’re doing it on purpose. They’re out to drive me mad. And of course, it works. It works for like five minutes while I yell and bang my fists and swear and make futile threats to throw them out the window until I realize that’s their game. A full-on adult tantrum is exactly what they want because they find it amusing. So then I stop. And usually the problem stops, too.
I don’t just humanize my electronics.
I feel bad for my toothbrush.
And the garbage bag full of old stuffed animals doing time in my dad’s basement.
I’d rather trap bugs and let them outside before outright killing them.
And unless it smells funky, looks funky, or I plan on serving it to company, I generally ignore expiration dates, and I haven’t pooper-scooped my back yard in at least eight months.
I constantly cross the easy stuff off my “to do” list while ignoring anything remotely difficult, because it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something.
There’s more, but I think you get the idea. And I run this list through my head almost every day — every day — as these things are happening, constantly nagging about my flaws as a human, a woman, a wife. Wow, I can’t believe you just did that. Or, You’re such an idiot, or Dammit, why does your house smell like stale coffee? Do YOU smell like stale coffee? Is that what people think when you pass them on the street?
And you know what?
I give up.
I admit defeat.
I’m not a “Pinterest Mom” or an incredible “DIY Wife” or someone who can ever make anything look easier than it actually is, because glossing over life’s gritty details doesn’t make me feel like a better person.
But laughing at myself does. And trying — and failing — at something until it actually works does.
And looking in the mirror and telling myself that I look pretty today does.
Even when it makes me roll my eyes.
haha, I can so relate to this. I’m pretty sure my house also smells like stale coffee and I’ve totally FREAKED OUT at my printer on more than one occasion! Too much going on in life to worry about dust bunnies! :D
SO glad I’m not alone in this. :)
I just mirrored this in real life. I had this eloquent reply all typed out, expressing how much this resonated with me and how I do those same things, then my fingers slipped in a way that could only happen again if I didn’t want it to, and it flash-highlighted-and-deleted the entire reply. Eff this mother effing keyboard and my effing pudgy fingers.
Ha! ctrl+z my friend. It’s “undo” and it works for when that happens. Learn it, live it, love it. ;)
Stale or not, the smell of coffee is always inviting in my perspective. Just one question though, as a canadian to an american, do you wear your shoes in the house?
That is a multi-fold answer: I used to wear them all of the time in the house, back when the original carpets were still all through the main living areas. Frankly, it was probably “safer” that way. Now I take my shoes off coming into the house, but then I’ll wear them directly from my closet when I head out the door. So I guess the truth is that I don’t really think about it that much. :) You?
You know what? Not one of those things matter. They are not flaws. They are foibles at worst. (Unless someone is walking in your yard, I suppose. They might be a little harsher.) If this is the worst you can come up with, you’re doing fine.
As for technology sucking, here’s a story for you: our system at work gets really slow at month-end because everyone is using it. The scanner is particularly bad. So I was trying to scan something to a guy the other day and the scanner kept stalling. I don’t scream or throw tantrums, but I do aggressively hit the button over and over again until the screen changes. Two minutes later I get a call from the guy asking whether these reports are for different periods or what. Turned out I had emailed him the same report every time I hit the button, which was apparently 14 times.
That is TOTALLY something I would do. Back when… you know… I had co-workers. Hilarious! (In retrospect, right?) My back yard is pretty large and fenced off, so if anyone’s walking back there, chances are they shouldn’t be there in the first place and they get what they deserve. ;) (But yeah… now that spring has arrived, I really need to get on that.)
1) Broom? What’s a broom? If you use a Swiffer, find a not-so-obvious corner, and ‘sweep’ anything the Swiffer doesn’t pick up, into the corner. The next time you vacuum, vacuum it up! And if you where sox around the house, you don’t have to Swiffer so often. Just make sure they’re gray sox.
2) Why pick up dog poop? It seemed dumb for me to pick up dog poop, only to have Ed come along and spread chicken/turkey/who-knows-what poop for fertilizer. A little rain, a little sun – and you’ve saved on fertilizer. Mow before the rain and it’s the perfect fertilizer.
3) When he read this, Ed said “This sounds just like you!” I thought he was talking about the dusting. Then I got to the part about the electronic technology and I said “Oh, you must have meant my computer/scanner/printer tantrums – and he said “Yup!”. So you’re not alone.
1) I can’t get into swiffers because they seem so wasteful. But maybe I should… I do vacuum the hard floors after I’ve swept, though.
2) That’s my thinking, too, only you have to realize: It’s a bit more humid here than colorado. Just a tad. So when it’s wet and the yard hasn’t been scooped in a while, you can tell. With your nose. It’s not pleasant. :)
3) I KNEW my crazy came from somewhere! Thanks for verifying. ;)
[…] Or at all.) Now. I’m not normally a soup kind of person. My whole house is more likely to smell like bacon and stale coffee than soup, and when the cold weather clings and I’m craving warm comfort foods, I […]