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Good News: You Can Stop Trying So Hard. It Turns Out The Worst Military Wives Might Just Be The Best Wives.

Military Wife
Source

Yesterday I noticed on Facebook that Justin had “liked” a page called “Overly Sensitive Military Wives.”

And, like the overly sensitive military wife I am, I pulled out the puppy eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, pointing to the tiny page on my iPhone. The Overly Sensitive Military Wives (OSMW) profile picture depicted a cartoon drawing of a fake-baked bleach blonde (not guilty) in a slutty tank top (guilty) and booty shorts (ugh, guilty) sporting various tattoos branding her a military wife (definitely not guilty, unless you count the celtic butterfly tramp stamp I embarrassingly got when I was 18 which has nothing to do with the military and everything to do with the fact that I was once 18).

She’s depicted as an avid shopaholic at the local dives and it’s insinuated that she’ll start sleeping around the minute her husband deploys.

Huh.

“Because if that’s what you want me to be, I can throw some Military Wifey bumper stickers on the Tracker…”

He rolled his eyes.

“I can buy a cute camouflage hat and start wearing your dog tags and pretend that rank actually means something in the real world.”

He sighed. “It’s funny. Read it.”

And you know what?

It kind of is.

In like, a really depressing way.

The page is essentially dedicated to making fun of the stereotypical caricature of military wives depicted on television, in movies, and… uh… many women walking all over this town.

It’s true. Quite a few of the wives I’ve met fit OSMW’s definition of women who confuse being married to someone in the military with being in the military themselves. Women who live for unnecessarily involving themselves with the rules and the drama and the acronyms — oh, the acronyms — and who seem to think they wear their husband’s rank.

That’s right.

I’ve run into actual, real life military wives who thought they outranked me in life because their husbands outranked mine at work. This, non-military ladies and gentlemen reading this, could be the equivalent of the wife of someone higher in your spouse’s company trying to correct your behavioral issues because they might reflect poorly on your spouse.

Not that have behavioral issues.

Army Wives
Source

Oh, Jesus.

The thing is, I never involved myself in cliques when I was in high school, and I have no desire to start now. Besides. Self-imposed rank is a sure sign of insecurity, and I have enough on my plate, thankyouverymuch.

OSMW also refers to some of these wives as “Dependopotomus” or “sofa bison,” which I guess is a jab at those “lazy,” unemployed spouses who stay home and clean or take care of the kids and might put on a little weight because they’re cooking and having babies and doing other things generally expected of military wives.

The nerve.

It’s a conundrum.

Either they’re too involved, or they’re not involved enough.

Army Wife
Source

Really? There’s no more to it than that?

Apparently, as a military wife, I’m in danger of falling into one (or more) of three categories:

1) A slutty shopaholic who has nothing better to do than sleep around and spend my husband’s money;

2) Someone who adopts my husband’s career as my own, scolding his troops for letting their hair grow too long and telling their wives they should only work while their husbands are deployed; or

3) An overweight, lifeless couch potato who supports his career by making babies and dinner.

And you know what? OSMW has a point, my friends.

Sure, it’s intended to be amusing, but as a military wife who’s struggled to keep my identity and independence and through the haze of military politics and dependent expectations, suffered intense loneliness through deployments, and openly admitted what exactly it is that makes me a crappy military spouse, it’s downright scary.

And, if you’re a military wife, it should be scary to you, too.

It turns out that by refusing to throw myself into all aspects of military life — by not becoming involved with the various spouses’ groups, by not regularly shopping on base, by not even knowing the phone number for my husband’s Command, and apparently even by making inappropriate jokes with my husband’s superiors, I’ve managed to elude the stereotypes.

(That, or create one all my own: The childless, self-involved, uncontrollable, stubbornly refuses-to-be-dependent dependent.)

In other words, just myself.

So.

Instead of making fun of those who might fall into one of those other three (and arguably less attractive) categories, I find myself compelled to figure out why this happens.

And really, it’s easy.

Assuming a military wife loves her husband and got married for the “right” reasons, maybe before she fully understood what actual military life was like, it’s understandable that an eventual identity crisis might psychologically stem from, say, the expectation of following your husband around the country or world with no choice in where you live (or where your children might go to school); understanding when your husband has to leave the house in the middle of the night with no questions asked; or being asked to stand up as an emphatically patriotic cheerleader for an institution that ultimately views you as a tool to boost the morale of deployed members and to look good in the public relations photos taken upon their return.

Military Reunion
Patrick T. Fallon/AP Photo Source

Other than that, the military really has no need for you.

And why should it?

It’s your husband’s job. Not yours.

And trust me when I tell you that this is the best news for military spouses in the history of ever, so don’t get all threatened by it.

It means you’re FREE. It means you can pursue that career you’ve always wanted. You can choose not to have kids. You can have kids and immerse them in cultures all over this country and the world rather than relegating them to military-regulated social structures. You don’t have to deny yourself regular freedoms the general population takes for granted because you’re worried how it might affect your husband’s career.

Okay. Of course you’re going to have more struggles than a non-military wife. It just comes with the gig. Establishing a career is not easy when you’re moving every 3 years. Making choices that don’t generally flow with the typical military lifestyle can leave you lonely at times. And yes, there are certain “frowned-upon” behaviors that could affect the politics of your husband’s career — just like most other jobs out there in the real world.

For the most part, I’ve found that the military doesn’t care what I do as a military wife.

Only Justin cares about what I do as his wife.

It turns out these chains are just dust.

It turns out I can find friends — other military spouses, even — who feel the same way. Who know that their husband’s jobs, while demanding and difficult and oftentimes dangerous, don’t define who they are.

These stereotypes are just crutches. Habits that are easy to fall into when you’ve lost sight of who it is you really want to be.

It turns out that all of this time while I was worried that I was being a “bad” military wife by selfishly maintaining my own path while still managing to support his, I might — just maybe — have actually been making myself a better wife. A partner. A confident, sexy, independent dependent who’s not afraid to share her life with someone who sometimes has to put his job first.

And that, my friends, is the biggest demand of a military spouse.

That, and finding a decent hair dresser every time you move.

The first is overcome by not losing sight of your own identity — by remembering that while you’re a wife whose husband is in the military, you don’t actually have to be the wife of the military.

And the second?

Well.

That part of yourself, too, you can always grow back.

Katie

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Comments

Susan
Reply

Omg i love this!! I’m not a military wife, but i have a few friends that are. I have managed to find quite a few like you and they are some of the best women i know and they all have grateful husbands because they are their own people, plus they don’t spend a lot of time in the COs office dealing with menial marital issues. I find this analysis both accurate and humorous.

Katie
Reply

Aw, thanks Susan! I really don’t know why there seems to be so much pressure to “own” the title of military wife — or more accurately, to have that title own us. It doesn’t have to be THE defining factor of our personalities. I’m so glad you understand!

Andi
Reply

Wow I wish I could relate to this post in someway, but I must say even though I know it was hysterical I found it to be poignant as well! :)

Katie
Reply

Thanks, Andi! Poignant-yet-entertaining is totally what I was going for, so phew. And as the wife of an expat, I’m sure there might be some issues — though not necessarily stereotypes — that you have to deal with as well that might help you relate better than others. :)

Stephanie
Reply

Are you saying you aren’t one of those girls on pinterest always pinning stuff about the nobility of military wifedom? I’ll be damned.

Katie
Reply

HA! I almost spit out my non-alcoholic afternoon beverage. You totally caught me. ;)

Stefanie
Reply

Um, not sure why but this made me cry. I guess it’s because the identity thing has been so huge for me. Thanks Katie!

Katie
Reply

You’re welcome, Stef. Keeping your own identity – or rediscovering what it is – will just make your relationship even stronger. :) Remember – he married you before you were a “military wife”!!

Angie Kern
Reply

Wear my husband’s rank my ass…..I outrank him! Henceforth you can call me General Angie Kern! LOL!

Katie
Reply

LOL! Spit. Out. My. Wine. Never has a more accurate comment ever been posted. Ever. :)

Lauren Kennedy
Reply

You know, it’s funny…but all too true. Ck and I were dating/married loooong before kids, but we never cohabitated until the first one was on his way. Meaning – I never lived in a military town! Now, I find myself afraid to make friends for fear of judgment of my husband’s rank, or god forbid, lack of officer status! Thus the exact reason I hate this town! No matter how I try, in the eyes of (most) military spouses that I have met, I am judged upon something that neither has to do with me, or is (in any stretch of the imagination!) a poor reflection on the best man I know! Maybe I don’t want these friends anyway – but in the midst of deployment, in a relatively new town, friends are an essential, and hard to come by!
We have had *the* discussion many times about how in the “real” world one has friends from all walks of life. But, unfortunately, so far as I can see, it is a select few in “this” world that actually see you as you, and not a reflection of someone else. Ugh! I could go on about this ad absurbum, so… I’ll stop now. Thanks for the great post! I love reading your blog!
L

Katie
Reply

Okay. I need to tell you and the “book club crew” something I should probably tell you in person. But here it is: I wasted five years — five years! — fighting this place. And it’s one of my biggest regrets. Then, one strange day, I decided to stop. I decided to find something for myself here. And you know what? I found you guys. And several other friends I know I’ll miss when I leave. And I found a new respect for the friends here I already had. All of a sudden, when I decided to make it so, things just started working. I realized it wasn’t this place — it was me. It sounds crazy and cliche, but I will tell you it’s true. I resented the military. Not Justin. Not Fayetteville. The military. And the false expectations I put on myself as a spouse. There are things here for you. Opportunities. And if anyone can take advantage, it’s you. :) You won’t be here forever, and eventually you’ll find yourself somewhere that feels like “home” again. But. Until then, embrace what’s here. It’s truly the best (unasked for) advice I can give. The only alternative is not embracing it, and as someone who’s been-there-done-that, it’s not worth the fight. I promise.

I’m pretty sure I wrote a post about it once, but I can’t seem to find it through my wine-induced haze. But take my word for it. Good things will start happening. :)

Schellhaas
Reply

This was a great blog and great way to describe life as military wives. I can totally relate to what you’re going through and trying to find your voice and just be YOU, not the dependent.

Katie
Reply

I’m so glad you can relate to what I was trying to say!

Megan
Reply

Great post. I’m a new reader and found your post via thenest.com community board. The military and their “family support centers” certainly don’t help when they only offer minimum wage jobs. I’m lucky to have a job that is as flexible as my husband’s is regimented, but I have friends who aren’t as lucky.

Katie
Reply

Thanks, Megan! I’m so glad you like it! And yes, it’s so hard for the spouses who haven’t been able to find something that works for them. The important thing is that they keep trying!!

Kaye Putnam
Reply

HAHAHAHA……. I just met you, and I’m in love already. I actually enjoy some of the tradition stuff the military life brings (I get to go to balls. Who gets to go to balls?!), but I always feel like the odd-one out when I start talking about career stuff.

Great post.

Katie
Reply

Aw, thanks, Kaye! I know EXACTLY how you feel when it comes to feeling like the odd-one out. You should’ve seen the looks I got when I used to actually have a “real” career working for the military before I started this writing thing. There’s nothing stranger than a military wife who earns as much (if not more) than her husband. ;)

I’m glad you liked the post – Judging from the site you’re launching soon (looks INCREDIBLE), you might be interested to know that I’m re-vamping this post to get published on a friend’s site. It will be a bit more polished and friendly for a wider audience. I’ll let you know when it’s done!

Kaye Putnam
Reply

Thanks for checking out my site! I love helping spouses who *want* to have a career figure out how to be a rockstars. :-) Im excited for it to launch. Let me know when you publish the article!

But anyway, you definitely have a new blog follower in me. Your writing kicks butt.

Katie
Reply

For sure! And I’ll be sure to check back when your site’s up and running – I bet there will be some great information, there!

Thanks, Kaye!!

Jordan
Reply

I avoid the other Navy wives like the plague. Unfortunately they are the only ones who “get it”. Civvies try to sympathize during deployments and moving, but never understand. I grew up military and I was lucky enough to know what to expect, but being married to it is so different. When we got married I knew no one where we were stationed. I tried to make friends with the Navy wives here. It was a nightmare. I knew a few who were the type to get waaay too involved with their husband’s career, and a couple who practically jump into bed with the first thing they see the second their husband’s boat touches the water, and the ones who sit around do nothing but make tiny people to dress in the little sailor suits at the NEX. For me, I am happy to learn what I NEED to know about my husband’s job. I like hearing the funny stories he comes home with and things like that, but the military is such an absorbing career. When he comes home, he wants to tell me about his day, and then listen to my day and forget all about how much his day sucked.

Katie
Reply

It’s so hard to strike a balance between his career and normal life, since so much of your home life is determined by his career! I think that’s why most wives find it so difficult and end up getting fully absorbed in it, because in the end, that’s just the easiest thing to do. But to me, it’s important we don’t lose our own identities. We can still have our own careers and interests out side of the military. I understand your struggle! Keep looking – you’ll find a niche of women you fit in with. :) That said, I’m envious your husband is Navy — at least you get a lot of the great duty stations! ;)

nota great navy wife
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i love everything about this post. when i married my husband I was actually called by other wives on his boat and told i was not a supportive wife for having a career. When i found it too hard to have a civilian career with moving so much I joined the military ( i joined for other reasons too). You would think I decided to become a prostitute or run a dog fighting ring from the responses I got from other wives. being a military wife doesnt have to define a person and become their life. i thought i was the only one who felt this way!!! Loved your post

Katie
Reply

I’m so glad this post spoke to you! It would be really really great if we – not just military spouses but women in general – could be more supportive of each others’ career choices. But in the end, it only really matters if you and your husband are happy.

You’ll find with time that you attract more girlfriends who know how to be supportive of your choices – even if they’re ones they wouldn’t make themselves. And more often the people who react the worst to others’ decisions are the people who are the least happy with their own. Hang in there, girl – you’re not alone! And thanks for serving! :)

Katie
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And P.S. You may not be a great Navy wife, but then again it’s not the Navy you’re married to, is it? ;)

livelovelifelearn
Reply

I just stumbled across your blog and cannot stop laughing at this piece. I’m a few weeks away from Bragg to Rucker and have been stressing terribly about what new reality might be in a rural town that will make Fayetteville seem like NYC and dealing with the strangeness that is my husband leaving the enlisted ranks for WO. Will there be strange new expectations? Will I be the Very Bad Wife for taking advantage of the SE travel opportunities rather than sitting around the blah post 24/7? Can I still manage to get out of social events and volunteering I’d rather not participate in by using homeschooling as my plausible excuse? How will I find non-mil connected friends in the rural south? You get the point. ;) It’s embarrassing to be in such a state having been with my husband for ten years now. *sigh*

Your blog has cheered my mood greatly today and made me realize this new phase in life is just another strange milspouse identity crisis and one I’ll work through…eventually. I sincerely thank you for that! I’m looking forward to poking around some more. I also appreciated your definition of domesticphobia. :)

Katie
Reply

I’m so happy you stumbled across my blog and especially that it cheered your mood. I’m sad that you’re moving, though. We seem very like-minded and it would’ve been fun to get lunch! I have a friend who I think is working at Rucker right now (I’ll check) – I think she’s due for a move though as well since her husband is active duty. I think you’re taking a great approach and no, you’re not a bad wife for taking advantage of the SE travel opportunities – in the end, your husband wants YOU to be happy just as much as you want him to be happy!

Now. What ARE the SE travel opportunities?? ;)

livelovelifelearn
Reply

It’s only natural I happened across a like-minded person mere days before pack-up. Orders always seem to bring out the best in a dreary duty station. haha.

Now. What ARE the SE travel opportunities?? ;)

They are “astronomical” trips for the most part.

Kennedy Space Center, Wetumpka Impact Crater, Family Space Camp, and camping in an area with little light pollution to test our the new telescope my husband will be receiving for Father’s Day this year. We’re also stopping at Ruby Falls and Rock City on the way down to AL as a nice way to end my daughter’s earth science homeschool studies before jumping into space and astronomy during this upcoming school year. Why study various subjects in books alone when you can witness this or that with your own eyes?! :)

Katie
Reply

Haha, figures of course. What cool trips you have planned! My family went to Kennedy when I was a kid, and I remember it being sooo cool. A telescope is a fantastic gift! I love messing around with nighttime photography and really should make the opportunity to try it away from light pollution. Here’s my attempt from my back yard last summer: http://www.domestiphobia.net/2012/09/12/and-i-traveled-just-a-few-steps-at-most-to-see-the-world/

I’m sure you will make the most of this PCS!

kj00
Reply

I think you are my twin, right down to the matching husband names! Lol What you wrote about is my EXACT attitude towards this military lifestyle thing… I honestly couldn’t of said it any better myself! Great post! I’m so happy I found it, this was actually posted to the OSMW page, so that is how I found it.

Katie
Reply

Oh wow, did someone link to it on there? Awesome! I hope you stick around! :)

Rachel Thomas
Reply

I WANT ONE! Where can I get it?!

Katie
Reply

You want one, what? A hairdresser? ;)

Michaela
Reply

Thanks for posting this. Unfortunately I am a stereotypical Navy wife. I have no job and no children, yet I sit at home and warm the couch cusions. (I have a degree so i cant be that dumb, right?) Our neighbors are in the same command as my huband and I have a feeling they like to gossip about me. I have to be hilarious to them.
I have met other wives and the only thing I seem to get out of them is “how disgusting base housing is”. They look down their noses at us because they had the sense to find a real house, and not succumb to the horrors of base housing. While in fact, we quite enjoy the housing. We’re both from a pretty trashy city so this place seems really nice to us!
I don’t wanna be in their cliques. It seems like too much work.

Katie
Reply

It’s not that you’re dumb – it’s that you’re having a hard time as an educated woman “settling” for a job you don’t care about or finding your dream job and knowing you’ll have to leave it in 2-3 years. It’s a huge psychological struggle that not enough people acknowledge! Also. I always say “to each their own” on housing. We bought a house when we moved here because we knew we’d be staying awhile and wanted the experience of owning. Now that I have, I’d be happy to rent again. The only thing I don’t love about the idea of base housing is the fact that they take your entire housing allowance while in many towns, you can find something nicer for cheaper off-base. But then you might have to deal with longer commutes to post, etc. I have friends who just moved to post and they love their place!

Roxanne
Reply

Where, oh where were you when I was a new Navy wife? I happened upon your post – such a happy accident – as I was searching for something else. Now I cannot wait to see what other charming gems you have shared here.

My husband and I married later in life by Navy standards (our mid 30’s) which meant both our careers were well established. Shortly after our wedding, new orders arrived and I watched my 13 year career disappear in the rearview mirror.

For a few different reasons I did not “look” like the other squadron wives: I had no children (we do now), I was a new Navy wife and had never “suffered” through deployment (this was a BIGGIE), I did not “get” Wives Club and I was actively seeking full-time employment. In no way was I prepared for my encounters with the other wives – some of whom proudly wore their husband’s stripes. I was befuddled by them. Don’t misunderstand; there were many lovely women, but it was troubling and sad to know I was judged, and found lacking, by a few. Thankfully my husband was supportive and understanding and stood behind my decision to continue my career and dodge Wives Club activities. That was many years ago and my husband is now retired. I look back on our active duty days with much fondness. Too bad your lovely blog did not exist way back then. Had it, I might not have felt like such a misfit.

Now, I am off to peruse your other musings, which I am certain I will find charming and insightful and – I hope – a tiny bit irreverent!

Katie
Reply

Roxanne, I’m so happy you stumbled across my blog! Sounds like you definitely were an “alternative” military spouse. Fortunately, I’ve been able to meet many who choose to do things differently now, but I think there are quite a few who still cling to the idea of it being a very special, elite sorority of sorts. I always wonder what they’re going to do once their husbands get out/retire. :)

I hope you stick around and keep reading!

Kelly
Reply

I have bookmarked this article to re-read as needed. It’s been a tough pill to swallow looking at a Master’s Degree with the ink barely dried on it & already know I may not use it to the fullest extent I could were I able to stay in the same city for more than a few years. Your article was exactly the encouragement I needed to think outside the box and realize I don’t HAVE to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for on the altar of my husband’s career. Thank you!

Katie
Reply

Kelly, I’m so glad this helped you! Just keep your own goals in sight and try to understand when your spouse might have to put his job first. You can still have it all if you’re determined. :)

Kelsey
Reply

Thank you so much for posting this. I just flat out don’t fit in to the “military wife” life and I’ve had hard time about it. My husband and I have been married for not even a year yet and I’m still trying to figure out my place as wife and “bad military wife”. I was raised by my mother to be very independent and it honestly scared me marrying into the military life based one what I had heard from wives of military I had worked with. (I’m telling you I’ve been to one FRG meeting since we got married because I was always working when they were held, and we were late) I feel a lot better knowing there are other wives like me and not everyone will judge me for not being very involved in what comes with my husband’s career. It really helped me so much to read this! We just pcs’d to Fort Bragg and bought our first house. It’s nice to know that it’s not going to be as bad as I thought (and everyone and their mother told me) at Fort Bragg when it comes to annoying military wife politics.

Excuse me if this isn’t very coherent, buying our house and getting everything for our house has made me physically sick and a little crazy for the time being. Basically I wholeheartedly appreciate this post.

Katie
Reply

Kelsey, you’re welcome! I’m so happy you found it.

And really, your experience at Bragg (we JUST left there, actually!) will be whatever you decide to make it. There are representatives from so many walks of life in that area that if you look hard enough, you’ll find your niche. Don’t do what I did and waste actual *years* whining about Bragg and how awful it is. It wasn’t until I decided to stop complaining that I started to build friendships with some really great people and discover some cool aspects of the local area. Keep your independence (you need it to be a military spouse!), and don’t worry if you find that involving yourself with military-related clubs and activities isn’t your #1 priority. Your husband will be happy if YOU are happy, and the two of you are in this together. (I’ve been living in Virginia since Thanksgiving, and I only just went to the base for the first time a week ago to get my ID card renewed. It had been expired since January. Know what? No one cared.) :)

Les
Reply

Love this! I’ve always felt like a “terrible” Army wife and am glad I’m not the only one!

Katie
Reply

You are definitely not alone! :)

Miranda Hamilton Parker
Reply

I totally get what you are saying. I have been married to a military man for a little over 7 years. He was in the military when I met him, and I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Sure, I knew his job would be demanding. I knew he would be gone for long periods. But, here were the surprises. ‘So, you mean if I am late for a medical appt…..YOU will hear about it from your commander and get in trouble?’ Weird. ‘If, I am caught talking on the phone in my car on post, you will be told to talk to your wife and set her straight?’ Wow. Oh, and ‘If I meet you for lunch, we have to sneak a kiss, because I can’t kiss you, or even hold your hand, when you are in uniform??’ Double wow.

I fell into a stay at home mom role, because I lost my job about a month after we married. I was working on my Masters, but the pregnancy was zapping ALL of my energy, and I was having doubts about the career anyway. So I withdrew, and stayed home. I thought it would only be for a little while. But, I still stay at home. Our youngest will be going to Kindergarten in 2 years, so that will all change soon.

Anyway, I really don’t feel like I fall into a traditional military wife role. I hate the military. It’s hours, it’s demands, how exhausted it makes my husband. I hate it’s rules, it’s regulations..and though I am thankful for the free healthcare, I get angry at all of their silly protocols and procedures. I don’t have any cutesy bumper stickers. I don’t have camouflage handbags. And, I am scared to go to the PX during the day because I don’t want to be seen as ‘one of those wives.’ I am not involved in the FRG. I was for the first 2 years of our marriage, but that was because I had just moved, was just getting used to the lifestyle, and he was deployed for 15 months, and the new friends and support was nice. I am proud of my husband and his rank (he was just pinned his E7 this year), but I don’t take any credit for it. My husband tries to tell me he couldn’t have made it there without me. I call BS. He would totally still be there without me. I don’t know that the heck he is talking about. Yes, I hold down the homefront…..but he wouldn’t have a homefront that needed to be held down if he didn’t have me. If anything, the kids and I have made it MORE difficult for him to focus on work.

It’s easy for wives to get sucked in to their identities being the military, because that’s what the military WANTS. The military wants it to be this cult like thing where everyone is participating ‘for the morale of the soldliers.’ Quite honestly, if we stayed the heck away, they might be better off. And wives wouldn’t feel their identities slipping away.

Katie
Reply

I love everything about this comment. You managed to capture beautifully what I was trying to say. And that’s exactly what groups like the FRG are there for — to provide that sense of camaraderie that, let’s face it, you kind of *need* when dealing with everything else that comes along with his gig. But it’s true — to be really happy, you need to not lose focus on what you want for yourself. If that’s being a stay-at-home mom, great! Own it! Don’t apologize for going to the commissary during the day and taking care of your kids when he has such a demanding career. But if you’re genuinely unhappy doing that, it doesn’t make you a bad person. And it especially doesn’t make you a bad spouse, like some in the military would have you believe. When you’re happy, he’s happy. And that’s the best kind of morale booster you can be. ;)

Liz
Reply

I googled “bad military wife” and landed here. Yep- that kind of day! Love the spirit you have here!! I’m a horrific spouse. And I love that. But I hate how when one has the audacity to complain they are “ungrateful, unpatriotic and unsupportive.” I am in deep at 15 years and I’ve heard the judgement from everybody about having a job, keeping my last name, not giving up my career – the horror. I’ve never once led an FRG. Even as a commander’s wife (okay that one makes me proud…) I’ve heard how I have to be a snobby bitch because I married an officer. News flash- I married a poor college kid. Only later did that officer title come along. Oh and by the way, we just use his first name and you can too. Try it! It rolls right off the tounge! We’ve recently PCSed again to VA (10 in 15 years) and we are struggling to adapt as we do every move. But we will get there, thanks for posting something that so many can relate to!! Especially the hairdresser part! Lol! So true!

Katie
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See? And pro bloggers don’t believe I have this SEO thing nailed. ;) I’m so glad you found my blog, Liz! You are NOT alone. We moved to the Newport News area of VA in January! Are you in D.C.? Anyway. Obviously, your husband is with you because you’re YOU. And you should be proud that you’ve managed to maintain your own identity through all of the pressures — many of them self-inflicted — to just let it go and become a stereotype. That kind of mentality amongst military spouses far too often leads to depression and those crazy high military divorce rates. After all, what woman, really, can completely lose herself to someone else’s job and truly be happy? Especially when he’s not around? Very few. (P.S. If you do happen to be in the Newport News area, I found a FANTASTIC hair dresser.) :)

Just Don't Call Me Mama. - Domestiphobia
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[…] taken a few direct words, a few strenuous seconds, but I’d unwittingly set a precedent for my role throughout the remainder of Justin’s career. And it wasn’t one of a stay-at-home Air Force […]

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